Leaving a narcissist

 "Every psychopath is narcissistic but not every narcissistic is a psychopath."

There is a key difference, a narcissist is somebody who lacks empathy, is grandiose, is entitled, is constantly seeking validation, is arrogant. It's a disorder of self esteem and they have trouble regulating their self esteem.

What it's like to split up with a Narcissist 

Leaving any relationship is difficult but leaving a narcissistic relationship seems to be harder. Many times people leave narcissistic relationships from a place of frustration, exasperation, fear, confusion. In a narcissistic relationship, by the time you get to the breakup point there have been lies, deceit, anger, rage all kinds of negative situations and it's confusing. Now, a couple of other things happen too. Many times when people leave a narcissistic relationship, they've tried everything. They've tried to change the person, which obviously never gonna work but they keep trying. One of the big fears that keeps people in  narcissistic relationships & makes it hard to leave is this idea that " the minute they leave the relationship, the narcissist is gonna change  & be a better person for the next person they date." This ideology is absolutely wrong & many times narcissists trade into a new relationship very quickly because it is a superficial thing for them.

Narcissists, boom!! They've often replaced you by next Saturday night, they'll post it on social media. It's really really destabilizing for people. These kind of people do " Hoovering." 

Hoovering is when you suck someone back into a relationship. They may use these phrases - 'Baby, I miss you, I didn't realize how good I had it with you, If I had known what a gift and an angel you were I wouldn't have lied to you." Ugh this sounds so good because it's everything you ever wanted to hear. So either have got nerves of steel or most people fall back down the rabbit hole and then they say okay let's talk & then for a while the narcissists even act different, they will be attentive as it's love bombing 2.0 and so they go through that again & boom back to discard, the cycle starts again.

Now, If you do leave them, expect "Hoovering" might happen, expect that you'll probably be traded out really quickly & replaced very quickly which can hurt. They may often do something called enlisting "Flying Monkeys."

Flying monkeys are the people who were close to both of you in a relationship, your family, your friends and they'll start to try to turn all of them against you. For example: Hey! you think your sister is such a great girl? She did this, this & this and they'll tell them all these lies. Now these people will start turning against the poor person who left the narcissist. This flying monkey phenomenon can actually RE- TRAUMATIZE a person.

A narcissist does not like to be left and they think it looks bad for their ego to be left.They try to disturb a persons mental state and of course mental health as well. They keep stalking over social media all the time, they may try dropping useless repetitive text with same sentences and much more. Such things increases the hate for the narcissist like crazy and it's better to assume that they're dead to us and dead don't talk. 

IS IT LIKELY THAT  A NARCISSIST WOULD LEAVE?

(If a narcissist leaves you, of course my temptation is to throw you a parade and say you're lucky.)

The answer  to this is yes, they replace people all the time, they trade partners, they want someone younger. I would say they trade down because the person they've left is usually a solid loving person but they'll choose someone younger, someone richer, someone they met at work & they will think nothing of just switching out like that and so people will feel very hurt.

A narcissist typically will not leave a relationship unless they've got someone already waiting in the wings. That would be too much of an ego blow for them.